How to find your kindreds…

How to find your kindreds... by Keri Kettle

I have often told new moms that the best way to find other parents who might be your friends is to make an inappropriate joke about drinking while parenting, and see who laughs.  If you crack a joke about slipping some rum in your coffee at the playground and the mom next to you raises her eyebrow instead of chuckling – trust me, she isn’t going to be the person you call when you are losing your mind and need to phone a friend.

Anyone who tells you how many words their 2 year old knows? That’s someone who wants to compete, not support. Anyone who tells you their kid’s SAT scores the first time you meet them? Run away.

Lack of sense of humor.  Lack of willingness to be be vulnerable.  Take these as red flags.

At family orientation for my daughter’s attendance at Kindergarten, my mom was giving me a hard time that my daughter’s hair looked a bit messy.  I pointed to another little girl that looked more like she had spent the morning playing and less like she had spent the morning having her hair perfectly braided and said, “see, there’s another kid with normal kid hair.”.  That little girl’s mom is now one of my best friends.  A person I know I can turn to no matter what horrible stuff is going down, no matter how overwhelmed and under-prepared as a mom that I’m feeling.

Find your people.

Look for the imperfect moms.  Listen for the moms that are honest about how hard parenting is.  Watch for the kids that are allowed to let their freak flag fly.  These are my people.  Maybe they are yours, too.


  1. Sarah Reznick says:

    The tip about the moms and wine was what helped me find the real moms friends, every once in a while I also remember your blog about “have you gone to the restroom today”, keep on helping us newer moms Keri!

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