A** vs. Face – Part Two

Pool pic

My husband and I were laying by the pool, at a nice resort in Palm Springs, California.  It’s a bit tricky finding the right chairs when you want shade and he wants full sun.  I had seen the hottie in the tiny black bikini and after trying to figure out if there was any way around it (in my head, not out loud, of course), I finally pointed out that the chair between me and her would be the best spot for my husband to get full sun.  She was laying face down on her lounger, her own husband loudly talking on his cell phone about some business deal next to her – while dribbling iced coffee and a muffin on his large, hairy belly.   Occasionally, he would reach over and grab her butt, grunting approval.   I really couldn’t blame him, she had a great butt.  And she had that little black bikini.  And my husband was laying about 2 feet from her perfect, tiny, tan butt in its little, black bikini.  And I was wearing a brown swim skirt over my pale, less than perfect butt.  Seriously, BROWN SWIM SKIRT, which might actually be the definition of an unsexy bathing suit bottom.

After they left, I made some snide remark about how much money he must make to be with such a gorgeous, young thing (in my defense, if you had heard him on the phone, you would know that his personality was not the thing that would win any woman over).  My husband was confused, “what gorgeous, young thing?”.  I hadn’t actually seen her face, I was judging her age by – umm, her butt.  According to my (possibly exaggerating to make me feel better) husband, her face looked to be in her late forties or early fifties.

Now, if you’ve been reading this space for a while you might remember the wise words of my friend who shared with me that at some point a woman has to choose between her ass and her face.  I was feeling moderately better about the swim skirt, thinking that the extra chub it covers is the same chub source that helps fill out a few crow’s feet on my face.  I’m not claiming it was truly a choice I made, but at this point, I’ll just say I have chosen my face until I lose these ten extra pounds.

I have two points that I hope you will take away from this story – the thing that makes you anxious and worried and ruins your time lounging at the pool with an umbrella drink, might not be happening in real life.  It turns out that my husband was not actually drooling over the woman in the little, black bikini.  The story in my head of my husband being envious of the hairy guy’s hot wife didn’t even happen, it only made one of my few days to lounge kid-free at a nice pool on a sunny day less enjoyable.

Secondly, that thing about choosing between your ass and your face is real, my friend – better make your choice soon.  Everyone that chooses their face can meet me over by the cheese tray.





  1. Keri you are so authentically fun in your revelations about real life experiences and how to improve the quality of our lives one thought at a time

  2. Keri
    Great little revelation and congrats on your choices

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