We need to talk about your permanent record…

Ma'am, this is going to go on your permanent record.

Ma’am, this is going to go on your permanent record.

You don’t have one.  A permanent record, that is.  You don’t have to set it straight.  You don’t have to clear it.  You don’t have to make sure that everyone knows what the “real” truth is.

I just saved you a few years of wasted time.  You’re welcome.

At least once a week, someone asks me to make sure that I clear up the “real facts” or they tell me, “I have to stand up for myself.”  And then I get to spend the next half hour trying to talk them out of it.  Because it’s almost always a waste of money to pay your attorney to clear up your imaginary permanent record.  I’m not talking about submitting facts to a judge or clearing up a point of fact necessary to resolve a dispute.  I’m talking about responding to a personal attack or a misstatement of facts.  For example, if someone writes you a text message like, “I’m not going to trade weekends with you, because you never trade weekends when I want to.”  You don’t need to write back with a list of all the times that you traded weekends.  You definitely don’t need to write back with a list of all the reasons that you didn’t trade weekends on those two times that you said no because your grandma died or you had a trip already planned.

Also, if someone makes the silly choice to pay their lawyer (or just to waste time in their day) to write a letter that says you are a liar, or a cheat, or a ho-bag, or a giant sack of poo – you don’t need to pay your lawyer (or waste your own precious time) to respond “no, I’m not!”.  Because it really, truly, I swear on a stack of bibles, doesn’t matter.

It costs at least $150 for a lawyer to write a letter.  It costs less than that for a full body massage or a new outfit (including shoes) or a day at the zoo with your kids.  And all of those things are much more valuable than a letter that might be padded out with some character attacks of your own but ultimately just says, “no, she’s not a liar/cheater/ho-bag/giant sack of poo”.

Yes, I’m suggesting that you should let it go.  Ignore the insults.  Ignore the snide remarks.  Ignore the attacks on your character.  Focus on what matters.  Enjoy your life, enjoy your kids and save your money for something fun.  Like wine!  Or shoes! Yay for wine and shoes!



Please share your thoughts.