What Valentine’s Day says about you…

Grace Notes - you are loved

What I really want you to know today is that nothing that happens on Valentine’s Day (or your Birthday or Mother’s Day or Whatever Day That Holds All The Expectations) is a reflection of how much you are loved.  It’s also not a reflection of how well you love others.  And it is absolutely, positively NOT a reflection of how much love you deserve.

Val Day kid picMy son is twelve, he can’t decide if he should take Valentine’s candy or cards to school and risk not having enough so that someone gets upset.  Or that everyone will think that what he brought is lame.  Or maybe it’s not cool to bring something at all.   His sister made the suggestion that he just bring something really gross, like buttered-popcorn flavored jelly beans  and give each person just one, unwrapped and covered in  pocket lint – so that there are plenty for everyone and they can each be equally disappointed.  He might just not do anything because who wants to play a game where you are set up to lose?

And we do this to the people we love most.  We set them up to lose because we want the most thoughtful gift, or the most touching gesture of love – you want to feel seen, to feel known, to be deeply, deeply loved for exactly who you are.  But if it doesn’t show up exactly the way we imagine, we can’t even see it.  You can’t receive what you aren’t open to see.  Sometimes the love comes not in a grand gesture but in tiny whispers.

Listen for the whispers…the kid who wanders in to the kitchen while you make dinner so she can be near you…the lover whose eyes light up when you walk in the door…the dog whose tail wags so hard when he sees you that his whole back side shakes…the cat that is always underfoot…the girlfriend who sends you text messages full of hearts and smiley faces and the occasional smiling poop emoji because she is there for you through the good stuff and the hard shit.

You are SO loved.  Can you see it?


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